Monday, August 6, 2007

Another Slap in the Face

My man the Field Negro blogged about this on his site; so, Field if you are reading this, I hope that you don't get offended by me coming behind you with my thoughts. In saying that please let me continue with my 2 cents about this subject.

What makes the story about a few black women that choose to date white men a CNN headline? Does anyone really care? I could care less who anyone chooses to find love with. Every single man or woman has a right to be happy and to feel loved. If a certain person finds love outside their race or with the same sex I am more than happy for them. To find anyone to love you unconditionally is hard as hell, so if you find it you should be congratulated. But who a person finds love with is not national news.

What pisses me off about this is the way CNN put it out there. They made it seem that no black woman could find any black man that was not incarcerated or that could support them. That is bullshit. There are millions of black men in this country that are doing the damn thing legally. Yours truly is one of the millions. Every one of my boys can be added into that equation also. So what the hell is CNN trying to say?

If you are a person that, lets say... lives in Iowa or New Hampshire that has no contact with any black people at all and you read this article on, what would you think? I know the first thing that would come to my mind is... "If black women do not trust black men enough to have a relationship with them, what I see on the news all day everyday must be true. If anyone knows how a black man is, it should be a black woman. So why should I trust them to be anything but thugs and drug dealers?" If I am wrong, please someone that knows more than me put a comment on this post. If you are a black man struggling to do the right thing in this country, this article should offend you. As I said before I don't care if you are dating or married to a male, green and purple haired wildebeest, you should be offended by the implication that we, (American Black Men) are not even good enough for our own women.

It just proves what I said in an earlier post I made about the American media. Black Men never get a fair shake when it comes to the media. We never get our just dues. We are always guilty until proven innocent, and then we are still looked upon as being guilty. The positive contributions that we make everyday goes overlooked, but one negative thing that one black man in a country of 33 million black people does will be turned against all of us as a whole. It makes me sick and from what I see the media is starting to turn our own women against us.

CNN made sure to point out that 1 in 7 seven black men are in prison and about how we are under achieving in corporate America. Is it our fault that the deck is and always has been stacked against us? What do we have to do to get a fair trial in this damn country? How come there hasn't been an article about the millions of white women that date black men? There are more of them than the other way around believe me.

Any and every thing that a black man does that main stream white America does not agree with gets turned into a national event. It is unfair and bigoted. We have to work 3 times as hard as any other racial group in this country to achieve anything, but we get the blame for everything that is wrong here. So what happened to all men are created equal? When we will we be looked upon as men, instead of "BLACK" men? I wish someone could answer that, so my blood pressure won't shoot threw the roof every time I see something that I know is a ploy to demean and undermine our worth as men in this country.


Carmin said...

I am a Black woman with many years of dating/relationship experience and I am the author of a recently released relationship memoir. I have also dated a White man and currently a White man is one of my closest platonic male friends. I also have 2 fantastic Black male platonic friends. Therefore, I feel a bit more equipped to shed light on this matter.

One should choose to spend time with, befriend and date people with whom they share things in common - regardless of the color of the person's skin. Period.

Just because a Black woman chooses to date or marry a White man does not mean she does not find Black men desirable, are pissed off at Black men, have given up on Black men or any other negative reason. It could and ideally should mean that destiny put her and this man, who happens to be White or of another race, on each other's path and they were smart enough to recognize their soulmate.

The article stated that historically Black women have been more loyal to dating within the Black race than have Black men. I believe this to be true but I don't know why. Thankfully Black women are waking up to realize that because of various biological reasons (one being more baby girls than baby boys are born everyday) and societal reasons (the inordinately high number of imprisoned Black men, gay Black men, etc.), if they don't intend to spend many a Saturday night alone or with girlfriends, or never marry, they'd darn well better consider dating men of other races.

I offer two cautions to Black women in this respect:

1. Do not, I repeat, do not date a White man or man of any other race because you are pissed off at Black men. This is unfair to the man you are dating. People want to know they are in your life because you genuinely want them there - not because you don't want somebody else there.

2. Be prepared for societal backlash from family, friends and the public. And I'm not just talking about Black people either. Interestingly when I dated a White man and when I'm with my White male platonic friend, the nastiest stares come from White women. I find this odd but being a woman I suppose it's because both of these guys are VERY attractive, well-built men. Don't know and don't care. I certainly do not bat an eye, cringe or care about Black men who date White woman.

The color of a person's skin is not indicative of what's in them. Nough said.

Carmin Wharton, The Relationship Teacher
Author, "Lessons Learned: While Looking for Love in All the Wrong Faces"

DIRTY RED said...

I think you misunderstood what I was saying in my post. I thought I made it clear that I do not Care about who a person chooses to be with. I have no problem if a woman, man, dog, cat or pig, chooses to date outside of their race. My point in writing down my thoughts were to show the clueless in this country, that no matter how high up the "American Dream" ladder a black man climbs, in this country he will always be a "black" man first and a "MAN" second. To each his own, if you choose to date outside your race more power to you. In the future please READ what I am saying before you post some off the wall comment that has nothing what so ever to do WITH the post you are supposed to be commenting on.

Carmin said...

Dirty Red:

I beg to differ with you that my posts has absolutely nothing to do with what you said. I was merely giving a Black woman's perspective on why a Black woman may find it necessary or convenient to date a man of another race. YOU brought the issue up by stating that YOU were upset with CNN for slanting the story in a manner which made it appear that a Black woman could not find a Black man who is not incarcerated or in some other negative situation. Given the fact that relationships is my area of expertise, I felt the need to comment.

I empathize with the Black man's plight in America. Black women are catching as much hell as Black men in this country! Yes, no matter what a Black man or any Black person for that matter does in America, they are Black first. Even though it is not always stated verbally; it is always inferred. I love Black men. My father was a Black Cuban, my son is a Black man as is my brother, nephews and many of my friends.

However, if you are going to post a blog for public consumption, you should expect various points of view touching on various statements posted on your blog! You got pissed because I chose to comment on interracial dating?! What? You wanted me to wallow with you in your sea of self-pity about the way Black men are treated in America? Ok, well consider me "wallowed." If you, my brotha, can't stand different points of view then don't post. Better yet, delete your blog!

Dirty Red said...

Carmin, Carmin, Carmin

Again you do not get the point. Why all the hostility? I know that not everyone is going to agree with my point of view, that is why the Blog is called "A Black Man's view". Or should I change it to "One's BlackMan's View". I do not speak for all of black men in America, I speak for me. I don't know what black man hurt you and I don't care. It is not my buisness. But please Boo, tone it down!! I ain't mad at cha! I appreciate the fact that you even took the time to read my blog. Please feel free to comment anytime you like. But if I reply back to something that you wrote, don't get upset because I reply back with something that you don't like. This blog is my way to vent. This blog is how I let people know about how frustrated I am with the way things are. Hopefully the people that read my blog feel the same way I do, but if not, then Fuck It. I am not here "to wallow in a sea of self-pity", as you put it. I am proud of being black and I want the world to know it.I don't need to justify, as you seem to need too... "I love Black men. My father was a Black Cuban, my son is a Black man as is my brother, nephews and many of my friends", that I love who I am. Like I said again you missed the point of the whole post.
Why havn't you commented on any of my other posts? Is interracial dating a sore topic for you? I am pretty sure that interracial dating is not all I have blogged about. So please don't boycott my site because we disagree.I love the dialoge, and PLEASE don't take my views personal. And another thing, please don't use my comment section to plug your book. Its all good that you are an Author and all that, but if you want to advertise on my site, I will require a small fee. Jokes Boo!! Just a little jokie joke. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONAL.

Mena said...

About Carmin,
The one who gets pinched squeals. Shes loves to date white men and is going to find any reason to justify her relationship. Shes a lost cause. Lets all move on.