My Coworker and I had this conversation the other day at work. I wanted to blog about it as soon as I got off work that day, but things came up as they always do so.... Anyway better late than never huh?
This is the guy I blogged about in an earlier post... You might remember, the republican, married to a white women, raised out in the sticks, yeah that guy. Anyway, we were talking about interracial relationships and he told me why he married a white woman.
Side note..... I do not care about why he married a white woman. As long as they truly love each other and are happy, living productive lives, does it really matter what race she is?
However, since this was our topic for the day, I guess he felt the need to "come out", for lack of a better term. He told me that he has dated a few black women in his past and he just wasn't feeling them. He told me that they were temperamental, controlling, and manipulative. He told me he felt more at ease with white women. He told me if something happened to his marriage he would not even look at a black woman. Well that is his preference, so what could I say? I kind of understand why he feels like this, and I kind of don't.
Me, I love black women. I have been known to cross over to the Latinas in my younger and (single) days but.... I digress.....
Back on topic...
I love the challenge that black women give. I love the sassiness. I love the attitude. If a black man or any man for that matter, is lucky enough to find a black woman that loves him unconditionally he has found himself a ride or die chick. He has found a woman that will support him if he has a million dollars, or if he lives in his mommas basement. I love the strength of black women. Any woman that can put up with everything that our women have to put up with on a daily basis, is in my opinion, a Super Woman. I know that black women can be very opinionated and demanding, but that is because of the stupid and weak shit that we (black men) do. Let me explain.
We put a lot on black women. A survey said that 4 in 6 children born to black parents are born out of wedlock. Which means that 4 in 6 times the child is going to be raised by the mother. Which also means that the mother has to be the father, sole provider, the giver of discipline, the care giver and whatever else role that we as black men are supposed to be doing. I believe that God put everyone on this earth to play a specific part. Everyone has a role they are meant to play. I think that in these times men and women have forgotten what their role is.
Women are not supposed to raise kids alone. There is nothing that a woman can teach a boy about being a man. Just like there is nothing that a man can teach a girl about being a woman. It takes two.
I believe this is why that some men think that black women are so difficult to have a relationship with. We force black women to play the role that the black man is supposed to play. We put our women in a position were they have to be the only one to provide discipline, love and financial support to our children. We force them to fight and be hostile just so they can survive. We put our women out in harms way because there are some of us that are too weak to stand up and be the man that God made us to be.
Here is where the difficult part comes in to play. A black woman has had to fight and scratch to take care of everything that a black man should be taking care of.... And then a man comes into into her life that knows what his role is and he expects her to stop what she has been doing her whole adult life and revert to the role he thinks she should be in. Of course there is going to be some hostility. Your damn right there is going to be some attitude. There is going to be some manipulation and control issues. How could there not be?
This woman has been playing his part all her adult live and he expects her to change all of a sudden to suit him and his needs?
This woman has been hurt and betrayed by punk-ass little boys all her life and we expect her to automatically slip back into her part when we come along?
If the shoe were on the other foot how would we feel?
Everyone on this earth has a place that they are supposed to be in. Until we (black women and black men) find our place and settle into it, the misconception that the Original Woman, the Queen of the Universe, is controlling, manipulative and temperamental will not change.