I am sitting here doing a a little self analysis of myself and I do not like what I am discovering. I feel like am behind the curve ball of my life. I should be further along than I am. I should not be an office worker, I should be an office manager. I should have my Master's degree by now. I should be a father. Well,I should KNOW I am a father, I might be a father, I just have not been informed yet. (I was a wild boy in the military. I have "been" with women all over Europe, and half of these 50 states.)
My finances should be better than they are. I should not at this point in my life have to decide what bill gets paid this pay period and which bill has to wait until... whenever.
In other words I am very dissatisfied with the way I am living.
Don't get me wrong, I am further along than a lot of the cats I grew up with. The ones that are not dead, locked up, been locked up or on the way to be locked up, that is. Which is exactly the situation I would have been in if I had not left for the Army.
I have a woman that loves me, I am a home owner and I somewhat have the respect of my peers.
I just want more in my life.
Am I wrong for feeling like this?
I am a very blessed man. God has always provided everything that I have ever needed.
But... (you know there is always a but)....
I am not satisfied.
I want Kids.
I want to be financially secure. I don't want to be rich, I just want to be alright, ya know?
I want to be in a position where I can start to change some of the things I blog about that irritate me. IE..Mentoring our youth, the discrepancies in our JUST-US System, Education for our youth and our adults.
I just want to make a difference in the world that God has given me. So far I have not done anything that is of note. At least I don't think so.
Maybe I am just being hard on myself.
But If I am not hard on myself, then who will be?
If I don't push myself to be better than I am at this point, who will?
I know I like writing. I think I am pretty damn good at it. Maybe this is what God wants me to do.
I have always enjoyed writing.
Maybe I should use this talent to get what I want out of life.
What do yall think?