Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child

Before I get into the meat of this post, I am going to tell you a little story about my childhood. It was times like the one I am 'fixin' (I have been in Texas way too long) to describe that helped shape me into the man that is writing these words for yall too read.

Anyway here is little blast from my past....

When I became a Senior in High School my Mom extended my curfew from 9:00 on school nights to 10:00. Weekends was extended from 11:00 to Midnight. I followed these rules dillegently because I knew the consequences if I did not. I stretched them to the breaking point of course, but I never broke them.

Well about midway through my Senior year I began talking to an Army Recruiter. I took the entrance test, passed it and talked my mom into letting me sign up. I was going to report to Basic Training at Ft. Jackson, SC one month after I graduated.

Well graduation came around and my Mom extended my curfew again by 2 hours. I thought I was a "man" now, since I was about to leave to "serve my country", so the night before I was supposed to ship out, I got drunk with my guys and stumbled home around 5 in the morning.

Well guess who was waiting on me when I fell through the front door?

My Mom Dukes!!

Not only was she waiting, she had a belt that I was very accostumed to seeing in her hand. She "calmly" asked me where the hell I had been, and who the hell I thought I was coming into her house at 5 in the morning. She then told me to go to my room strip down to my draws and wait on her. (Remember, I was 17 and leaving never to live under her roof again in just a few short hours.)

Well I tried to argue but... To keep this as short as possible, I got my ass tore out the frame.

And to make matters worse my Mom kissed me after she beat me down, told me she loved me amd added that as long as I lived under her roof, BLAH BLAH BLAH, you know the rest.

The moral of this little story is that parents need to discipline their kids. Parents need to stop trying to be friends with their kids and be their kids parents. Parents are responsible for the actions of their under-age kids.

While I was driving to work the other day, I heard on the radio where a man was sent to jail because his dilenquent daughter renigged on a deal she had with a judge to finish her GED. The question that was the topic of the show was should the man have gotten time behind something his daughter did.

His daughter was 16.

My answer....

YES. Not only Yes but HELL Yes!!

In my opinion this man is totally at fault.

First...

Where the hell was he or the mother when his daughter was failing out of school in the first place?

Second...

Why did a judge have to get involved in his family buisness?

So yeah this dude should have been held responsible for the actions that he could have prevented by doing what a father is supposed to do. Of course I don't know the whole story, but from what I gleaned while fighting traffic, I say F@$k this dude, and the judge did right.

What say You?

9 comments:

truth said...

Dirty Red,
After living with your mother for 17 years, those ten weeks of Army boot camp had to be a piece of cake!

I agree with you to a certain degree that parents these days try to appease their children. They try to become their friends instead of being unpopular and enforcing the rules. By doing that, their children are seriously ill prepared for the outside world.

The one issue I have with blaming the parents, is if the child has some type of mental disorder. There is nothing a parent can do about their child's behavior if they become bipolar or Schizophrenic.

Outside of that, I agree with you whole heartedly.

ZACK said...

Yeah, but my Mom regrets beatin' our asses. She says that in retrospect, all the whupping didn't help my older 6 siblings. In fact, the lack of beatings helped the youngest 2 (me and my little bro) STAY OUT OF TROUBLE.

It depends on how you respond to a whooping. But Mom also regrets beating us because she felt that God doesn't beat her when she messes up.

It's a learned behavior from slavery that got passed down in a bad way. It's okay to hit your kids sometimes, but a full-blown beating is regretted by even the toughest of mothers. They get older and see that all they had to do was choke you, or lock your ass outside until you learned the importance of curfew.

Sore asses heal, but having an open relationship with your parents is actually better. Trust me. Most kids are bad because they got whooped too much. Ask my thirty-something year old siblings.

Beetlegeiss said...

I think parents can only do so much, especially once kids reach a certain age. Beat them or not.

My wife and I don't want to spank our child. Our choice. Other parents may do as they wish with their own child.

We would like to think that communication will be more effective than any sort of spankings.

Then you have to wonder what kind of message you're sending to your child. "If I don't get what I want, maybe I have to hit someone to make them understand."

It could just be me. I don't like fighting, I don't like hitting.

Maybe I'm grasping at straws. Spanking is just not my thing.

Factor in the media and their bias. They do NOT tell you the full story. They report what they want, especially if it's bad.

Kids will lie. Kids will hide things from their parents. Kids will write out a list of people they're going to kill in their school (Columbine is another story).

I think it's difficult to judge someone's actions based on what we get from the news.

Besides, if the adult did go to the extent to discipline their child in the way they see fit, they would end up in jail on some bogus assault and battery charge.

Anyone remember the story about the parent who chained up their teen to a radiator?

Spankin'. Just isn't my thing.

Kieya said...

Well, like you said, we don't have the facts. But taking it by what you said, yea he should've been on his game. But my question is this, was he sent to jail because he's the main caregiver? And if so....now that he's in jail, where's the girl? And is she back in that GED program? And how does that help her? They had the right idea, yes, he should be held responsible. But the consequence for him not doing so may be more damaging.

I don't know enough about it to comment but I know growing up, going to school wasn't an option. I remember being in junior high & hs and people being like "yea, i didn't feel like coming to school yesterday so i just didnt" That seemed foreign to me cuz the only times I stayed home was when I was on my death bed (and the day I hit my head in the gym...that was rough). This was probably because
I got my ass beat on a regular when I lived with my grandmother. I can honestly say that those ass whoopings made me disciplined. So by the time I went back to NY, my mother didn't worry about me acting up or anything.

Black IS Beautiful said...

I was just talking with my co-worker about this because we saw a few teens out in public that were acting like they had absolutely no home training.

I agree that parents should not be their child's friend... instead, be the child's PARENT. One thing I've noticed with parents and children these days, is that babies are having babies. For example, a 15 year old has a baby and has a mentality of a 15 year old. Therefore, the baby will be raised based on the mindset of a 15 year old and this is NOT good at all.

Also, I believe it is okay to spank your child or discipline them. I don't think a TRUE knock down beating is necessary, though. My mother spanked my brother and I when we were younger. Of course with me being a daddy's girl, daddy never spanked me. But, my parents taught me right from wrong, they taught me that I will have consequences to face, whether good or bad, with any decision. Also, when I did something wrong, my parents showed me a better alternative and explained to me why. In other words, they didn't just simply dish out whoopings, instead they taught my brother and I at the same time.

Most importantly, they never hid anything from us. Answered any and every question that my brother and I asked and stressed the importance of being educated and being successful at whatever you do.

Overall, I feel as though parents need to become more involved with their children and teach them the RIGHT things. Some parents believe that as long as they provide food, shelter, and clothing to their child, then that makes them a good parent... NEGATIVE. You have to educate the child psychologically and educate by example. This produces a child that can successfully function in society.

David Sullivan said...

Amen

As long as it is done for the child and not the parent and as long as it is not causing physical damage then yeah.

Consequences are few and far in between until the consequences are too big and irrepairable. Thats why parents need to fabricate consequences when real life consequnces are not available or relevant.

Whuppin's are not necessary...just a good smack on the ass to wake up the central nervous system and give the negative behavior some negative association.

Anonymous said...

I feel that you have got to be a friend to a certain degree. A friend to the extent the child knowing he or she can talk to you about any problems that may come up. However that is where ends.
I have witnessed what happens to a child when you get to friendly with them, i.e. playing with them like you are some child friend they "kick it" with on the school ground or at the football game.
The child don't know how to separate the two and when the adult gets serious the child still wants to play, even in public, which is embarrassing when your adult associates hear the child speak to you as if you are a child.
When it comes to corporal punishment I feel that it's not such a bad thing if it is done in such away that it doesn't get out of hand, that is why there are laws "nowadays" protecting the child from parents who just go to far.
I come from the old school, when mom, dad, neighbor, grandparents and any other adult who knew, would take care of that "a**" when I did something I knew I wasn't suppose to do. Guess What? It didn't kill me, I'm a better man for it. I have never been to jail, don't do drugs, and at 44 years old I still say "Yes Ma'am and Yes Sir." O, yea! I almost forgot one other thing, I wear a belt with my pants and always have.

Bedlam said...

I need to write a book about this, it would be called "How To Beat The Ass The Right Way", see parents or folks that forgot to stop by walgreens, you start by tapping their little ass, their cute and you just feel bad cause thats you little angle, (come give daddy kissy, dont do that again otay, they yell otay dada. Then they start getting spankings, and you dont ask for the kissy, you just tell them not to do that again, (no otay this time), then they are around 5-9, that when they get woopings (ok spell check--looks like a wooping to me, let me remember, yeah that feels like a wooping), that when you talk to youself after. Little F%^#$ don't know who he's dealing with. Then those 11-14. Oh Hell you should have known better, Here come the rod, ASS BEATING, BEAT THAT ASS. Now a good Ass Beating teaches a lesson, a good Ass Beating has law and justice, DAME (holding my ass now) A good Ass Beating entertains your brothers and sisters. A good Ass beating gives respect to the parent. Now a Bad Ass Beating causes a problem. Now you have to look at the order, A good Ass beating on a baby, get your ass locked up, a good Ass Beating on a 5-9, gets your ass in trouble, that means you beating on your child for a long time, dumb ass you need help and locked up. Now when you have been beating asses all their live and you try to beat that ass at 13-15, Surprise !!! they might be giving you a GOOD ASS BEATING.
Ok lets change the book title to 'When Good Ass Beating Goes Wrong'

hawa said...

I followed the story of that father and daughter for a short time. I'll go find links later, but you're missing a few facts:

The girl actually fell behind in school while living with her mother, and improved steadily in school after moving in with her father. The mom and the daughter both admitted to the court that the father was the only reason the girl was doing better after mom dropped the ball. The girl begged for her father to not be blamed. He was helping her overcome a great obstacle.

Of course, the man prevailed in the end. He was not the parent who was wrong.

Hawa from
Fackin Truth Blog