Monday, February 23, 2009

What a Girl Wants

In my short time here on this earth I have learned a few things about the opposite sex.

I still do not understand women, but I know enough to get by.

I know that if a woman tells you don't worry about getting her anything for say.... her birthday, Valentines Day or any other day that she deems special, don't listen to her. Get her the most expensive thing that you can afford.

I know that if a woman says something is the way it is, then that is the way it is. Do not argue. You will lose. If it is white it is all right.

I know that if a woman tells you she does not mind if you go out with your guys on a Saturday Night, she does mind.

But the one thing I have learned about women that I do not understand, is that they try to force their men to do certain things for them by hammering into them what certain things they want them to do.

Example #1....

If your man leaves his draws on the bathroom floor after he takes a shower, it will only piss him off if you keep nagging him about his draws being left on the bathroom floor.

The best way to remedy the nasty stained draws being left on your clean bathroom floor is to tell your man ONCE that you do not like this and that shit stained draws being left on your floor is not the new hotness on the streets.

If your man is REALLY your man, the stained draws will miraculously disappear from the bathroom floor and reappear in the dirty clothes hamper where they belong.

Example #2....

If you are out with your man and you see the new Coach bag that you absolutely have to have to match that new Vera Wang outfit you just got, say this to your man...

"I absolutely love this bag baby. It will go so nice with that outfit you brought me yesterday. What do you think?"

Leave it at that. If your man is REALLY your man, that Coach bag will be on your arm before you can say, 'I want this'.

Example #3....

If you want to drag your man to one of those damn black plays on the same day that the playoffs are on, you know the ones with all the damn singing and soul searching and come to the lord lessons in it and you know that he hates going to those damn male bashing chick flicks, here is what you say....(in your best I am going to give you some voice)

"Baby. Tyler Perry's new play is going to be at the Black Academy of Arts this Sunday. I have already brought the tickets. I was going to ask (insert one of your girls who your man does not like here.)to go with me, but you know her man be tripping. Could you come with me? I know you don't like that kind of stuff, but I really don't want to waste the money I spent on the tickets. I promise I will make it up to you"

Stop right there...

If your man is REALLYyour man, you will be at that play faster than Madea can say "Hell to the Nawl."

Is anyone seeing a pattern here?

The best way to get what you want from your man is stop all the damn NAGGING!!

If your man is REALLY your man, all you have to do is MENTION that you dislike something he does, MENTION that you really want something, or HINT that it would be in his future best interests to do what you want him to do, and whatever you want to get done, will get done.

In other words....
Learn to shut the hell up sometimes and you will get everything under the sun that every woman wants and needs from her man.

And that concludes this lesson in Relationship 101 by your man Dirty Red.


daddio911 said...

Red, you are so right about the fact women should stop nagging. Women you are trying to change a man you shouldn't be with in the first place. If you pick the right man, he'll always pick up his draws and you won't have to nag. He'll realize your desires and do everything in his power to help you attain them. He will be what you want from the start and you desire to nag him into being someone else won't be necessary. Women pick the right guy at the get go and you and he will be happy. Pick the wrong one to try and change and the world gets another baby daddy.

illy said...

i just want you to know that i copied this blog post and sent it to my boyfriend. this gave me a good laugh (in a good way).

Kim said...

Not agreeing with your advice or daddio911..

ZACK said...

Great job!

I'm just entering the dating market at age 25, and posts like this remind me why I choose to be single.

I can nag my damn self. Hell, I do it all the time on my blog.

But the thing about shit-stained draws is that brothers ain't wipin' like they should. I slip myself every now and then, but I am more likely to have pissy draws than shitty ones.

RiPPa said...

Thanks a lot!

You could have done us fellas some good bye advising that woman spend more time doling out fellatio at random moments.

Kim said...

I'm beginning to understand the how and the why in the breakdown of black male/female relationships..

Anonymous said...

Well put. As an attractive older woman, I've learned from experience that "mentioning" works. Be more subtle. Less assertive and aggressive and you WILL get exactly what you want. Men want women who remind them of their grandmothers -- sweet. Just be sweet. It really works -- trust me!

Tia's Real Talk said...

It's my first visit to your page, and lookie at what I find. A man trying to figure out the woman species. lol. It's sad that some of what you say is true. Or maybe all of it is true when you are dealing with a certain kind of woman, or girl.
I would never lie and tell my guy I didn't want anything for Vday. He is well aware that I'm into flowers and letters from the heart, not halmark.
I think once everyone grows up and realizes how eachother works, then we will begin to understand eachother.
Stop playing mind games and be honest.

I will admit, I use to say "I dont care" when he would inform me of his madden dates. Now I just say, "when do you think you'll make it in?"