Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Are you my new daddy?

Last night my neighbor and I had a very interesting conversation.

It centered on the topic that all men end up talking about.... Women.

We pondered a question that has been on my mind and (apparently his) for a minute now. A question that MICHAEL BAISDEN talked about on his radio show.

How long should a man/woman wait to bring a new man/woman around his/her kids?

A week? 2 months? 6 months?

What is an acceptable time table for a man/woman to introduce his/her kid(s) to his/her new friend?
How long should a man/woman wait before bringing a woman/man to his/her house?

He told me of a chick that he recently had to give the 'we can be friends' speech too.

This woman has a 22 year old daughter, an 18 year old son and another 8 year boy.
The 22 year old does not live with her but the 18 and 8 year old does. She told my man that the 18 year old is very protective of her and that she was not comfortable with him coming to the crib when she knew he would be there.

I can understand that.

My neighbor has a 15 year old son that lives with him.

This woman said she had no problem coming to his house with his son present because according to her, 'she knows how men raise boys'.

I don't understand that.

What the fuck does that mean?

She understands how men raise boys?


So to my limited college educated mind, does this mean that she doesn't want to look like a Ho in front of her son, but it is OK for her to look like a Ho in front of his son?

Or was she implying that since a man is a man, his son has probably seen his father bring home a different woman every night of the week, so he is probably used to it?

Am I digging too deep into this?

Well my neighbor told me he told her that he does not bring any and every woman around his son because he is trying to teach him how to respect and treat women. He told me he told her that he did not like her implication that he was a promiscuous man who had a different (2 or 3) woman rotating out his front door at any given time.
He told me that this is when he decided to give her the 'we can be friends' speech.

He had only been talking to this woman for about 2 weeks when this happened. According to him she did not understand his sudden lack of interest in her.

So what say you, fellow A Blackman View readers?

How long is a good time to wait before bringing a new person of interest around your kids?


Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

My parents broke up when I was 9, and I visited my dad every weekend. Neither parent EVER had a sleepover friend when I was present. My father remarried a couple years later. As for Mom, I thought my mother was basically a virgin until I was 18, and only then did she bring her longtime BF around - and allowed me to do the same as long as it was only one BF and she was already asleep. We were very discreet about it.

I raised my two adopted children the same way. They have NEVER seen a man outside of my living room, kitchen or front porch, or met one that I hadn't been out with for several months. Nor have they ever known me to go out on a date and return the next morning.

Yes, that put ice water on my love life, but kids require a commitment. The payoff so far is that my son is 21 and has numerous issues, but being promiscuous isn't one of them. He is VERY monogamous and takes any breakup hard. He's also very protective of his sister. My daughter is in 10th grade, still a virgin, and in no hurry to have sex.

Max Reddick said...

When my oldest son was a child, for a brief time I was a single parent. And it pains me to admit, I brought any and all women home with me during that time, but now I really regret it. Now I wish I had been more judicious in who I brought home and when.

He is an adult now and early in his adult life, he had a real problem with respecting women. He went through a string of women and treated them all like dirt under his shoe. However, he and I were finally able to talk about it, and based on his own experience, and not my talk, he finally changed his ways.

But you raise a good question. How long should you wait to bring a man/women home. I think that when the two are you are serious about your relationship, when you realize that this thing might be going further, then you should introduce them to your children.

Nakia, a Social Butterfly said...

This is a very interesting question? I've had the opposite happen. Men would love to lay up with me despite my male child being home, but shield their children at all costs from me. My motto, once we figure out where this is going, we can do a kid meet up at the same time. NO spend-the-nights!

However, I think it is important for my son to know that I date, see how I am dressed, and know that I am coming home that night. With no Dad around, how else will he know how to treat a woman. I would like for him to know Mom expects to be treated very well as all good women should be...

What's tactless, are the men who have approached me while I'm out with my son, and asked him if they could take me out on a date. WTH! is that about?

Don said...

i can't really say what time limit is good - i'm guessing it would depend on that particular child(ren) and person. me personally i have never taken my kids around any of my women. except for my oldest daughter and the mom of my last two daughters.

why? because i knew in my heart that i wanted them to recall only family. and i have never viewed other women as being family, imo.

enjoyed the read.