Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Chivarly is dead and the "Independent Woman" killed him

This morning on my normal long ass drive to work I was channel surfing the radio(I got tired of paying for satellite radio) and the dial happened to land on the Steve Harvey Morning Show. I missed most of the conversation, but I did catch the blunt of it.

Mr. Harvey was having a "phone blast" with his listeners about "independent women". I have an opinion about so called "independent woman", and the "independent women" that read my lil 'ole blog ain't gonna like it. But oh well, it is what it is.

Independent Women.....
Hmmmm,where do I start?

Well, let's start by me asking a question....

What is the definition of an Independent Woman?

If I ask a woman, I will get the 'a woman that don't need a man for anything' definition. I will get the, 'I pay my own rent, my own car note, I can get my own nails and hair done. There is nothing a man can do for me that I can't and don't do for myself.'

If I ask a man I will get the Loud mouth bitch or she must be a dyke, definition.

Now were do I stand on this issue?

I think that the whole "independent woman" thing is a bunch of bullshit.

But first let me say that I do not think that a woman that handles her business is a bitch or a dyke. I think she is a woman that handles her business in a male dominated world. She should be congratulated and appreciated. Any man that calls such a woman a bitch or a dyke or anything else that does not include her name, Miss, Mrs. or Ms, needs his insecure ass kicked.

Now on to the bullshit.

A woman that thinks that just because she is holding her life down financially without the help of a man, and thinks she does not need a man, is a gatdamn fool.

Yeah I said it.

Any man that chooses not to get involved with a woman that is holding it down financially, is an even bigger fool.

Men and women complete each other. Or in some cases women and women or men and men complete each other. We all need that "somebody" to hold, to kiss, to console or just somebody to let us cry on their shoulder if we need it.

We all need it.

I think that the problem is that people (women)equate being financially secure to being independent. People (women) think that just because they are doing the shit that men used to do back in our Grandparent's day, that somehow that puts them on level ground with men.

It is all bullshit.

Every woman needs and wants a man to open doors for them. They want a man that they can rely on to pick the kids up from daycare. They want a man they can call if they have a flat on the side of the road.They want a man to get up at 3 in the morning to go to the corner store for that late night pint of ice cream.

Every woman whether they admit it or not, desires and wants to be taken care of by a man.

It is what it is.

That is why God created Eve. He saw that man was alone and he made Eve as his companion.

It is ingrained in a mans DNA to provide, protect and take care of a woman. It is ingrained in a woman's DNA to want to be provided for, protected and taken care of by a man.

It is our society that came up with that "independent woman" label.

Now don't get me wrong, no man wants a lazy woman. No man wants a woman to rely on them for everything. I know I don't. I can not stand a woman that is afraid to sweat or break a nail. I figure that if I am able and willing to go out and cut the grass, then you should be able and willing to pull weeds out of the flower bed. I think that if I am able and willing to wash your car, then you should be ready and willing to vacuum out the inside and pick up all your empty McDonald wrappers.

But a man does need to feel needed. We all need to feel like we are the "King" of our respected castles.

If I feel that you 'can do bad all by yourself', then why the hell would I stick around?

If I constantly hear about how you are paying for this and buying that all by yourself, then that is exactly how you will find yourself,all by your damn self.

So I think that woman need to stop all the equality shit and accept the fact that Men and women complete each other. We would not be men or women without each other.
Unless of course you are a man that does not like women or a woman that does not like men.

But the same applies in either case.


induetime09 said...

I agree with everything you said, and I thank my father for that. There are many times when my father have done certain things, like check on my car, be my back up for gas money, be the one I can call when I've left my headlights on and killed my battery, be the one call when things are falling apart, etc. Although my daddy would rather I, neither my two older sisters, not break a nail or get too sweaty, I don't mind.

When I first met the guy I am currently dating I let him know from the start that as a daddy's girl there were certain things I was used to and would expect from him. Like all of the mentioned above. I want to be protected and taken car of. And even though my salary will be about 30% more than his, I feel that he his still the head of our relationship.

I believe in my church's take on male/ female relations, and that is he is the head and I am the neck, regardless to the statuses of our back accounts!

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

Hey Dirty Red,

Your title is catchy, but for intelligent and mature folk, it's not true. I think most of them - men and women - would agree with what you said in your post.

BTW, I invite you make a few trips to my blog. I think you'll like most of my posts. They tend to be long like yours, and range from analytical to kitchen table talk to wild shit I can't even categorize. Take care,

~ Kit

Dirty Red said...

In due time,
Thanks for the comment. I appreciate your point of view. And for the record I think that Daddies Little girls are sexy. All of us men love to feel needed and appreciated.

I apologize for not visiting. Thank's for the invite. I will stop y as soon as I finish this.

Serious Femme said...

While I agree that we all need love, one cannot conflate that with the choice some women make to go it alone. For many of us, it's just better that way.

I manage quite well, on my own. I tried marriage. It was a living hell. I was continually called upon to wait on the laziest man that God ever created and, in return, he abused me.

Now, I live alone. I have a lover I see several times a month (plenty). The rest of the time, it's all peace, quiet, friends, fun and complete freedom from the demands of males.

I don't need anyone to protect me or care for me. In fact, if it's so ingrained in men to protect and care for women, then why are 25% of women in the US, in domestic partnerships abused? Why do men leave when the going gets a little difficult, or there's a baby on the way he doesn't want?

While I think there's some truth to what you've said, there's just as much about that's based on romantic notions of what a man is. We're not terribly well-served by such notions, I think you'll agree.

Don said...

Wow. wow. Just wow.

This is some spooky ish. About two weeks ago, when I arrived home from my absence of leave ... I spoke to my female friend in ATL, and we caught up on alot of things. What's been going on with her and what happened to me. So, anyways, she speaks upon how the men she's met in her life, since, were on some bull ish, speaking upon how this independent woman stuff has f*cked the game up. She said men now act differently.

So she asked me to write a post about it. Cool. I wrote the post in maybe 15 minutes and saved it to my draft, two weeks ago, again.

Then I talked to my blog buddy (female) yesterday and she was telling me how her dad made the statement that a man doesn't want a woman he can't do anything for. Mind you, This 28 year old lady considers herself Independent. And she is.

So, I wasn't planning on publishing the draft to my blog until my readership built up a bit (it's only been around two weeks since I returned to blogging)...and lo' and behold I see where you wrote this post, Harvey discussed it, and we are all thinking upon the same lines. basically.

I mean, I hadn't picked a image for the post yet but it's entitled Independence, Know What It Means.

I don't think this has ever happened to me before on the blogs. Great minds definitely think alike. I'll post mines next week.

Great, great read. Tremendous.

Talia said...

If any woman disagrees with what you've spoken.. she's bitter..period
coming from a woman who has been taking care of herself for A LONG TIME ..but is anxious for a man to take over the responsibilty while I make his home his castle

Beautiful Distraction said...

As an independent women: "A woman that thinks that just because she is holding her life down financially without the help of a man, and thinks she does not need a man, is a gatdamn fool."

I couldn't agree more.

I desire a man for reasons that far exceed anything that can be provided for me financially.

But I intimidate them. Because I am educated and I am not begging for cash and I know a little about roofing and cars and have a passport that's been used.

And I keep a clean house and can cook and all that other woman shit.

"Every woman whether they admit it or not, desires and wants to be taken care of by a man."

I do.

I just have given up believing that dude exists.

So I do what I have to.
No because I want to.

It doesn't make me equal.
It makes me lonely.

Great post.

Nakia, a Social Butterfly said...

Chilvary is not dead, and I didn't kill him. I'm a sideline poet and I actually wrote a poem in answer to all these dumb songs about men wanting Independent Women! and a blog entitled "I do it because I have to." that I haven't posted that deals with this topic.

I love men. The way they act, the way they speak, the aura of their masculinity. However, I quit waiting for Captain Save a Hoe, a long time ago and bought a rake and a hammer. I would love for a great mountain of a man to come around here and give this house (me) a lil Tlc. What killed chilvary is me having expectations of a man to be a man. As long as we're "kickin it," he's cool. Just as soon as I start having expectations from him, he's ghost. I'm so tired of this fight.

Do you think I'm over here scratching my own back, cooking feasts that feed an army for two because I want to? No way! I want & expect every single thing you said a woman wants with all of my heart. However, I have to be independent right now until a real man steps up and is prepared and ready to give it to me.

I want to be the trusty sidekick and not the Shero!

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

Red, Thank you so much. Email me when you get a chance.

lincolnperry said...

Black woman got faked out by white woman and there independence movement.

Byrdy said...

I agree with you! Being an "Independent Woman" is not just about financial matters. I don't feel there is a 100% complete independent woman. We all do need each other but here are many different qualities that make up a strong or independent woman.