Monday, February 23, 2009

What a Girl Wants

In my short time here on this earth I have learned a few things about the opposite sex.

I still do not understand women, but I know enough to get by.

I know that if a woman tells you don't worry about getting her anything for say.... her birthday, Valentines Day or any other day that she deems special, don't listen to her. Get her the most expensive thing that you can afford.

I know that if a woman says something is the way it is, then that is the way it is. Do not argue. You will lose. If it is white it is all right.

I know that if a woman tells you she does not mind if you go out with your guys on a Saturday Night, she does mind.

But the one thing I have learned about women that I do not understand, is that they try to force their men to do certain things for them by hammering into them what certain things they want them to do.

Example #1....

If your man leaves his draws on the bathroom floor after he takes a shower, it will only piss him off if you keep nagging him about his draws being left on the bathroom floor.

The best way to remedy the nasty stained draws being left on your clean bathroom floor is to tell your man ONCE that you do not like this and that shit stained draws being left on your floor is not the new hotness on the streets.

If your man is REALLY your man, the stained draws will miraculously disappear from the bathroom floor and reappear in the dirty clothes hamper where they belong.

Example #2....

If you are out with your man and you see the new Coach bag that you absolutely have to have to match that new Vera Wang outfit you just got, say this to your man...

"I absolutely love this bag baby. It will go so nice with that outfit you brought me yesterday. What do you think?"

Leave it at that. If your man is REALLY your man, that Coach bag will be on your arm before you can say, 'I want this'.

Example #3....

If you want to drag your man to one of those damn black plays on the same day that the playoffs are on, you know the ones with all the damn singing and soul searching and come to the lord lessons in it and you know that he hates going to those damn male bashing chick flicks, here is what you say....(in your best I am going to give you some voice)

"Baby. Tyler Perry's new play is going to be at the Black Academy of Arts this Sunday. I have already brought the tickets. I was going to ask (insert one of your girls who your man does not like here.)to go with me, but you know her man be tripping. Could you come with me? I know you don't like that kind of stuff, but I really don't want to waste the money I spent on the tickets. I promise I will make it up to you"

Stop right there...

If your man is REALLYyour man, you will be at that play faster than Madea can say "Hell to the Nawl."

Is anyone seeing a pattern here?

The best way to get what you want from your man is stop all the damn NAGGING!!

If your man is REALLY your man, all you have to do is MENTION that you dislike something he does, MENTION that you really want something, or HINT that it would be in his future best interests to do what you want him to do, and whatever you want to get done, will get done.

In other words....
Learn to shut the hell up sometimes and you will get everything under the sun that every woman wants and needs from her man.

And that concludes this lesson in Relationship 101 by your man Dirty Red.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

So easy, A Black President can do it


I know this is old news now, but I am going to talk about it anyway.

Question...

When you saw the now famous cartoon of the Fuzz standing over a dead Monkey, what is the first thing that came to your mind?

Was it, 'That damn sure looks like Nancy Pelosi on the ground.'

Or was it, 'Congress is sure a bunch of Monkey's.'

Or maybe it was, 'That New York Post is sho nuff funny. Whoever drew that is a comedic genius.'

Did you think of any of this?

Let me tell you what I thought.

I thought that since President Obama is the face of this piece of legislation, that the dead monkey signified him.

I thought that since the cartoon showed two cops with smoking guns standing over a dead monkey, that it is somehow cool to threaten to kill the President of the United States.

I thought that since American Blacks have been called Chimps and monkeys by racist ignorant White people since the beginning of these here "United" States of America, that this image again referred to the biggest "monkey" in the world right now, The President of the United States.

Maybe I am wrong in my thinking. Maybe this is supposed to be "satire", like the cartoon of a Jihadist Senator Obama and his Angela Davis look alike wife, Michelle.

Maybe I am just too sensitive about how my people have been historically treated in the land of the free.

Maybe I should just let the past go and move forward. Hell, the American people have elected a Black Man to represent them.
The face of all things bad in this country, The Republican Party, has elected a Black man to lead their little fraternity.

Maybe I should just grin and bear it and look at the handful of Black Americans that White Americans have accepted into their fantasy world of 'look how far we have come. I love Black People.'

I swear I was not going to talk about this, because I am tired of hearing how surprised some Black people are that something like this happened.

But then I heard an Interview on CNN the other night with Roland Martin and some conservative new age brother,(whose name I cannot remember for the life of me). This dude said that we (American Blacks) are too sensitive. He said that there was nothing racist about the cartoon and that we (American Blacks)always take shit too far when it comes to blatant shit like this.

His comments made me mad. I wondered just how in the hell you can be Black in this country and not see this cartoon for what it was intended to mean. But then I got to thinking and I had to respect this man's opinion. He said what he meant and he was not afraid of what people (like me) might have thought about it.

By coming to that realization, it brought me to what our Attorney General said about America being a 'Nation of Cowards'.

I agree with him.

Americans are cowards. Everybody wants to be all politically correct in public, but when the doors of their houses, offices, or country clubs are closed, the real "American" comes out.

America is just as segregated now as it was 50 years ago.

And until we can have an honest discussion with our fellow Americans about what makes us think and behave so differently without judging one another, all the Rev. Sharptons, and Jesse Jackson's and Louis Farrakhan's are just talking just to hear themselves talk.

All the demonstrations and boycotts and Marches are a waste of time and money.

Our race problems will not be solved by any of this shit. They will be solved when we can be honest and real with one another.
They will be solved when we grow a pair of nuts and talk to one another.

That is the America I hope my kids grow up in.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Are people capable of Change?

Are people capable of change?
Or do we just adapt to new situations?

These are the questions that a couple of my co-workers and I pondered today at work.

I think that people do not change. I think that the only things that change are times and situations.

Let me explain.

I said in an earlier post that if I had not joined the military, I would have been a resident in some Federal Institution, a parolee, dead or on my way to being a permanent resident of some Federal Institution. I was on my way to becoming a hardened criminal. It was all I knew. I grew up with Uncles in and out of jail. I grew up watching people rob and sell drugs. I was carrying weapons by the time I was 14 years old. That was who I was and who I wanted to be.

But something told me to change my situation. Something told me that if I wanted to survive I had to change my environment. I had to do something different.

So I joined the Army. I had to adapt to the military way of life. I did not change, but my situation did. I realized that if I wanted to become a productive member of society I had to change my way of thinking. Again, who I was did not change, but I adapted my way of thinking to fit my new situation.

I am still that person I was at 14 carrying that 25 automatic pistol in the small of my back. I realize that my current situation will not allow me to go back down that route because I do no want to change my situation for the worse, but if I had to put that 25 automatic back in the small of my back, I could do it.

I think that all people are like me.

If people changed, why do we continue to make the same mistakes?
Why are there still wars?
Why are there still people starving?
Why is the rich getting richer and the poor staying poor?

Mankind is still making the same dumb-ass mistakes that we were making since the beginning of time. There is nothing new under the sun. Nothing.

The only thing that has changed are situations and time. I think that we have all adapted to our changing circumstances, but as a whole we keep doing the same shit, just in different times.

So where is the change?

Can a person actually change what is in their heart?

Question...
Do you think that Barack Obama would be President if the situation of our country had not changed?
Do you actually think that those people in our country with hate in their hearts towards everyone that does not look like them, actually changed enough to put someone they have been taught to hate since their birth in charge of everything they stand for?

I hate to bust your bubble, but Uhhh No.

Their situations demanded that they do something, so they did.

Here is another one...

If people were capable of change, why would we need God?
Couldn't we just change who we are and bypass him all together?
It is the HOPE of change that makes our faith in God strong.
If God is who we think and hope he is, he knows.
He knows we will never change. He knows that if our current situation continues to worsen, we will have no choice but to return to him if we want our situations to change.
All it is is a matter of time.

Time and changing situations.

The ultimate deal breakers.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

The year of the Super Negro




Question....

If you were offered a job that you knew was only a ploy to make your potential employers look good in certain arenas, but the job was essentially a stepping stone to a much better job, would you take it?

Would you sell your integrity or would you tell the company to go to hell, even though it would mean that your career in your chosen field would be over??

I ask this for two reasons.

1.The new Senator from Illinois Roland Burris was only chosen to throw the race card on the political table. Senator Burris is more than qualified for the position, but if the ex-Governor were not caught up in scandals would he have been chosen?

I don't think so, but I could be wrong.

2. The new GOP chairman Michael Steele is the second reason for the above question.

The Rethugs have been getting beat up in the press for not trying to appeal to the darker persuasion in America. They are behind in every poll and they are losing their base supporters.
The Democrats have been rejuvenated by Obama, and the Rethugs have jumped on the bandwagon.

One side has their Super Negro, so the other side got one too.

But will it work?

It did not work when Republicans got that housed up Negro Alan Keyes to run against Obama when the Illinois Senate was up for grabs 4 years ago.

It did not work when the Republicans went against John McCain's judgement and got that crazy woman from Alaska to join the Presidential ticket in hopes that she would split the female vote after Hill-Billy got monkey Stomped in the primaries.

So will this work?

Chairman Steele is more than qualified for his newly gained position, but if the Rethugs were not getting beat up in every poll, would he have been considered?

I don't know. I do know that if you did a poll in any Black community you would find that most Black Americans have more conservative views that liberal views.

Example...

Most Black Americans are against Gay Marriage.
Most Black Americans are against abortion.
Most Black Americans are against big Government.
Most Black Americans do not want Government hand-outs.
Most Black Americans are God fearing, Bible thumping Christians.
Most Black Americans believe that a man provides for his own with no outside help.
Most Black Americans want their taxes lowered.
Most Black Americans believe that a Government should take it's national security seriously.

The problem with the Republican Party is that they do not reach out to the Black Community. They do not make an effort to hold rallies or fund raisers in Black communities. They don't make an effort to appeal to minorities. They assume that since American Blacks have voted Democratic religiously since the Kennedy years, that is the way it will always be.

They forget that American Blacks all voted Republican until Kennedy ran against Nixon in 1962. Nixon was the front runner to win the Presidency until he refused to help Martin Luther King when he was thrown in jail. Kennedy came to the Kings aid, and Blacks voted overwhelmingly for him, and they have not turned back since.

Now Republicans assume it will be a waste of their time and resources to even try to get back what they lost in the 60's. They are behind the times and they don't want to change.

They are stuck in the mustard and can't ketchup.

That is the problem.

But will electing a Black man to head up their party cause Blacks to flock to their rallies?

All I can say is that just like President Obama, Chairman Steele and Senator Burris have their work cut out for them.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

February... AMERICAN History Month



I am a veteran.

I have served my country for the better part of my life.
I have been to foreign countries representing my country, I have even carried the American Flag in some of those countries while participating in Military parades.

I love this country with every thing I am. I owe the Military my life.

Literally.

If I had not talked my mother into signing the papers that put me in the Army at 17, I would either be an inmate,deceased, ex convict or on my way to be any of above mentioned things.

That is where my life WAS headed.

NOW thanks to the Military and the men that taught me how to be a man, I am a Husband, soon to be a father,and a home owner. I have a degree in Computer Technology and I am currently working on a degree in Project Management.

I am drug and disease free, I do not have to worry about the Police and I do not have a baby's mama.

My bills get paid when they are due ( most of the time), my car has never been reprocessed, I have never been evicted from anywhere.

But everything I am now, I would not be if it were not for Black people like this and this.

These Brave Americans put their life on the line for a country that did not give a damn about them.

They SACRIFICED everything just to be treated as HUMANS.

They FOUGHT beside the same men that they could not sit beside.

They BLED the same color of red as the men that treated them worse than their dogs.

They PROTECTED the same women that they were lynched for looking at.

They captured and killed America's enemies. The same enemy that they had to sit BEHIND during military functions .

They did all that just so I could do this.

I can go where I want. I can eat where I want. I can live where I want. I can say what I want.

My History is to broad to be put in one damn month.
Without Black History there would be no American History.
Why does my History have to have a label?
Why is my History not taught and celebrated?
Why do I have to wait until February to be reminded that I am an American?

Black History?!


Please!!!

My history IS American History!!