Monday, January 4, 2010

"Bitch is the new Black"? Naa ain't nothing new about Bitches

I am going to talk about something that I read today over at my man's RIPPA'S spot. He is going to be on some show tonight and I suggest that if you got time check him out. The topic that he said he will be discussing will be very interesting.

It is that topic that I am going to talk about now......

Why are single successful Black Women still single?

There has been some discussion lately centered on a book entitled "Bitch is the new Black."

This is a book that focuses on successfull Black women that cannot find a successfull Black man to copulate with.

I think it is all bullshit.

Successfull Black women cannot find a successfull Black man because they are not looking for a MAN. They are looking for  BOY that they can mold into the man they think they want.

Let me explain.....

In today's world women are moving up the corporate ladder at a much higher rate than men. Women outnumber men in most colleges 12 to 1.
They are stuck on that "independant" woman bullshit.

They constantly talk that shit about how they want a man to be a man but when they meet a man who is a man, they constantly demean his man-hood by talking about all that she can do without him.
They constantly throw up the fact that they make more money than them and they don't need a man for nothing.
They constantly talk about what they think a man is supposed to do, but they neglect to research what it is a woman is supposed to do.


My wife is always talking about what a man is supposed to do. We are supposed to take out the trash, wash the cars, mow the grass and all that shit, but she don't say nothing about what a woman is supposed to do when there is nothing in the house to eat or there are dishes in the sink, the floor needs to be swept, or clothes need to be washed. Her excuse is "I work all day. I am tired. I am not one of those hood rats you used to fuck with that sit around all day and collect a check. I am an "independent woman." She forgets the fact that I work all day too. But according to her that is what a man is SUPPOSED to do.

Now I am not saying that I think a woman is SUPPOSED to do all those things, but some women think that a man is SUPPOSED to do all the things she wants done. I have no problem with cooking cleaning or washing clothes. Matter of fact I do all the above. My moms taught me well just so I will not need a woman to do those things for me.

The point I am trying to make is that women talk that shit about not being able to find a good man, when there are usually 3 or 4 good men in their face at any given time that they ignore because they consider themselves "independent".

They use the tired excuse that Black men are insecure about being with a woman that makes more money than them. In some cases this might be true, but in most cases, it is not the MONEY that chases the man off. It is the WOMAN.

Why the hell would I waste my time on a woman that "can do bad all by herself?"

Why would I open doors for you or switch sides with you on the sidewalk so I will be the one that will get hit first if a car jumps the curb if you claim to be so "independent"? If you are "independent" why do you need me?

Some women got the game fucked up.

You can't have it both ways.

It is cool that women are moving at such a fast pace. I truly admire a woman that holds it down in today's world. There is nothing sexier than a woman that is out there doing her thang in a man's world.

But what works in the board room will not work at home.

This is why these women are still single.
It is not because there is a shortage of Good Black Men.
It is because there is a shortage of Good Black Men that will put up with their "independent" bullshit.

So all you single, "independent", "Bitch is the new Black" women bring it.
I can't wait to hear your "independent" excuses on how I am fucked up by writing this.


Nakia, a Social Butterfly said...

My heart is racing because you can't be serious. This is a joke post, right? Because I know you know there are some brothers out there that just are not cutting it and are not living up to their own potential. Naa, ain't nothing new either about sorry ass Men!

Am I independent? Yes. Do I want to be? The question is, do I have a choice? Umm, No! But, everything I do, is because I have to. Therefore, I do what I have to do to get things done around here. All those things your wife requests of you, I have to do. All the things you expect to be a woman's job. I do that too. And work. And start up a company. And school. Raising a son. Writing books. And I can go on forever with all the things I have to do. And I can say I have a pretty active dating life too. Hell, it takes 10 men to make 1 worthwhile one. LoL...

It's true. Women of no means, purpose, and future have more time to coddle a man. I have things to do, like patch up 8 holes in the wall because his dumb ass didn't know how to use a power drill and the glass shelf fell into pieces on the floor. By the way, the fool left it like that for months promising to come fix it. Yep, I waited months trying to let him be the man. Ms. Independent with her trusty 13 year old sidekick got the job done.

Oh yeah, If one more man throws up in my face what his ex used to do for his lazy (no kid having, 1 job only, where's the goals) ass, I will scream because if she was soooo fantastic - why is he staring up in my face looking for a hot plate and some a$$!

When I am in a relationship, I have some expectations. I can't be the perfect girlfriend if he doesn't offer some help around here. Maybe I don't need the money. But can he fix something without tearing up something else at my expen$e? Can he take my son for a haircut on Saturday morning while I clean the house? What about roll my truck in for an oil change, while I cook dinner? How about wash the dishes after dinner, while I take a bubble bath so I can be waiting for him all soft and scented later?

If a man wants me to be a woman, he shouldn't let me work like a man all day and then try to find my womanhood all nite. Call me a Bitch all you like. Until I get some help around here, it's gone be what it be.

truth said...

Interesting post,

I think people's experiences or more appropriately how they interpret their experiences is part of what makes them who they are. Relationships/dating can be pleasant at times and very unpleasant at others. I don't think they all can be explained as either good or bad. Generally, it's a mixture of both.

As you stated in your post Red, statistically successful black women are at a disadvantage due to a skewed ratio of available/successful black men. I think this plays a significant part in the creation of books like the one this post is titled after. It seems to be a lot of frustration around this issue. Dating can be that way at times.

I think you also made an interesting point about gender roles and values. I think when it comes to relationships, many men and women place too much emphasis on superficial issues and too little on substance. A man or women's values is what will sustain a relationship. There are plenty of successful people who are unfaithful, untrustworthy and downright evil. Certainly not all, but wealth doesn't always equal righteous.

Now, I'm not saying that finances are not important. I'm not saying black women should date the righteous guy who lives in his mom's basement. What I'm saying is matching values will be more important than matching paychecks. There are men who may not be financially successful but would be willing to work three jobs to provide for his family. He may not be the best looking in the world, but if you became sick with cancer or disease, he would never leave your side. The question becomes for all of us, which person would be more ideal to have?

As far as what men and women can or cannot do, is kind of becoming a needless conversation. If your in a relationship with someone, I think it's supposed to be collaboration not a competition. I don't think a man has to know how to fix everything or handle all the finances. I don't believe a woman has to cook all the meals and clean the dishes. If a woman is better at finances and the husband is better at cooking, than so be it. The goal is building a relationship and if it be god's will, a family.

Many of the issues between black people in this country break down into finger pointing instead intelligent reflection and figuring how to get what you want or what's best for the group (depending on which one matters to you). Dating is difficult for everyone not just black men or women. Although, statistics have shown black women tend to be single further into adulthood than any other group of women in this country.

I support intelligent problem solving around the issue. What I won't do is bother with name calling and being disrespectful.

I think the question becomes with issues like these, our we as black people trying to figure to how love and treat ourselves better? Or our we trying to get payback for what someone has done to us in the past?

RiPPa said...


Thanks for the link love my brother. The show was on SUnday night and it was very interesting. I would have loved to hear you or someone with this take on it on the show or at least called in.

But check it: Can I use this as a guest post over at my spot? I'm asking because what you said holds considerable weight, and some people just need to be told.

CareyCarey said...

Damn, I am feeling everyone's comments. Ms. Nakia surely presented a very good case. Truth seemed to be the voice of reason (not that hers wasn't), I mean, he said it should be about "value matching". See, I running with that one.

Now Red, I don't know you that well, so I going to gently ask "ya can't be serious?". I mean, man, so many absolutes in that post that I can't help but shake my head. Listen, I am with you on several points but I wouldn't want to be standing next to you when the shit comes in, because some of that shit is going to hit the right target... feel me?

And Big RiPPa... SMH :-) (lol)

reddread said...

Caveat: If marriage or being with a man is not important to you, then all of this on ABC, Red's blog, and even my comment is of no relevance to you.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't think Red came that hard to warrant such defensiveness. I think we all understand that there are some brothers out there that are not "cutting it" (Nakia), but they are not the subject of the post. Today we're talking about the good brothers. The talk about the no good brothers is somewhat of a straw man argument.

Contrary to popular belief we actually exist. I know it feels good to have a scapegoat or even a whipping to charge your dating short-comings to (black men are either in jail/thugs/gay/under educated/under employed/etc.), but often times you need to look no further than a mirror to find the problem. There are an abundance of good brothers. If your dating choices have always found you in the bad apple bin, some self evaluation needs to happen.

Red acknowledges and praises the independent black woman of today but points out that "what works in the boardroom will not work at home". That's fact. 4,000 years of male/female dynamic have solidified this. I would also like to add that taking care of your business, making six figures, and having post graduate degrees doesn't make you a prize to behold any more than standing in garage makes you a car.

Red...Good Post.
Ms. Nakia...No disrespect intended.

CareyCarey said...

Excuse me Reddread, although it's apparent Ms, Nakia can speak for herself, it appears you've step over the dollars to get to the shiny pennies... " a man's point of view".

I've re-read Red's post, and you must have missed something?! Did you catch the glaringly obvious absolutes in his post? Check these: "I think it is "ALL" bullshit".

Cont... "Successfull Black women cannot find a successfull Black man because "THEY" are not looking for a MAN"

Now reddread, can you see how Nakia, felt compelled to voice her concerns? They were "HER" concerns that you considered "defensiveness" and that YOU didn't think were warranted.

Red's post, imo, may have been a good post, but there was a few holes. And Nakia stepped through them to clean her side of the floor.

No disrespect my brotha. Just my observations.

You can't speak for her and it appears the post was speaking directly to HER.

Flip it, smack it, rub it around, you can't redefine the post, it is what it is. Good intentions aside, Nakia voice/concerns were valid, imo.

Dirty Red said...


I think you missed the point. I applaud you if you do all the things that you mentioned. I also feel you if you can't find a man that can do the things that either you can't or won't do. But if you ain't happy with the dude you got...well.. you have two choices. Either kick dude to the curb, or keep cmplaining about what he don't do. I did not write this post to blast women that have no choice but to step up because the men in thier lives ain't shit(yes there are a few of us that just don't get it)I wrote this post to blast the WOMEN that think that just becasue they have "made" it in the corporate world, that any man that does not fit into that corporate world is beneath them. There are millions of brothers that will do everything that you said you wanted done including take care of a child that is not his. Millions. But I think you need to back up and try to understand what attracted you to "he" in the first place if you are unhappy with his home keep up skills. There are millions of brothers that will bust his ass to do all that plumbing electrical and other shit that you need worked on.

I have no comment for your comment because you said everything I was trying to say. I think you should have wrote this for me!


Of course you can use this. I would be greatly honered to be featured over at Madness and reality. You really did not even have to ask.

I was not directing this post at anyone in particular. I was voicing what I see. But if the shit hits the fan, then I guess I will have no choice but to take a shower huh? I truly admire women like Nakia, as I said in my post. There is nothing more better than a woman that has her head on right. There are a lot of men that ain't worth the piss they piss out, but there are millions more that are worth their weight in gold. I consider myself one of them. All I am trying to say is pretty much what Truth said.

Red Dread,
Thank's for the comment man. I am glad somebody that read this felt me.

michael said...


The roles of black men and women have evolved in two opposite directions and the stench of discontent and disillusionment is contaminating the issues even further. I hear y’all and y’all got a point but there are no absolutes here, just perspectives and points of views, drawn from subjective experiences. Black women have evolved ahead into the future of Black men who in turn have instinctively changed course to avoid the collision of their respective philosophies on gender roles and responsibilities. As the women have taken control of their lives, they have simultaneously set new standards for the men they will allow in their lives, fair enough. The problem I see is that
1.) Most men are not willing to surrender to a catalogue of new rules that do not promote nor further their own agendas.
2.) While men continue to circumvent the new by-laws, women have grown impatient and frustrated with their lethargic performance.
3.) Nobody is getting their way, hence the name-calling and finger pointing.
4.) The truth is neither of these approaches has worked in the past, nor will they work anytime in the present or future.
5.) There are GOOD MEN
6.) There are GOOD WOMEN
7.) The situation demands RESPECTFUL NEGOTIATION through COMMUNICATION.
8.) UNFORTUNATELY neither wants to SHUT-UP and LISTEN to the other SO this everlasting BICKERING continues in to the foresee-able future with no end in sight.
9.) It’s not about the garbage, the cooking, cleaning or the historically assigned roles, it’s not about your board room clout versus the domestic co-operation. It is about two people CHOOSING each other and together embarking on a common LIFE AGENDA through MUTUAL RESPECT, UNDERSTANDING and EMPATHY.
As one inspired blogger put it “values will be more important than matching paychecks”

From my own perspective as a man I believe the more successful single woman have
unknowingly created a SHARK TANK and men REFUSE to go swimming in it.
I THINK if each woman takes time to sort out HER OWN individual politics, rather than subscribing to the plural politics of women in general, then she stands a better chance to NEGOTIATE a workable relationship with one of these hu-MAN-s.
Otherwise this is all just chatter.

If you won’t listen then you can’t hear,
If you can’t hear because you won’t listen,
Then you are not qualified to speak.

Hear each other people

Nakia, a Social Butterfly said...

Well, I came back today because I think I may have come off a little hard. But I was merely answering the call to "bring it."

I would love for one of you fellas to live a day in the life of an independent (by fate, not by choice) woman. Which is why Reddread, I am not offended in the least. However, spend a little time seeing things from my side. I have so checked out a man's perspective. I'm here, ain't I?

DirtyRed, this is your domain (hope I haven't offended you.) but um, what happens after I kick him to the curb, my 3rd choice? Do it myself. If I wait, I will starve to death and my lily pad will sink around me. Actually, I am having a great time while I wait for Mr. Millions of Men to come work on this here plumbing. But, as I wait, I continue to achieve, to read my You-Can-Fix-It Guide. How do you think Mr. Millions of Men responds when he comes by my place and it's together. My lights are on. My son is respectful enough to offer him a glass of water and to take his hat. I can bet he doesn't feel needed. It is the nature of a Man to be needed. And I need a Man around here very much. Cause holding up these pants with a hammer in my hand is quite challenging. Usually, he is so stubborn that he can't see it. Not my fault.

You see fellas, I get so confused in this thing. I think alot of us sistas do. Should I offer to pay so he won't think I'm a gold-digger. But now, I'm so independent I don't need him. Do I wait for him to change the headlamp in my truck as he promised. Yeah, I know things come up, but it has been 2 weeks and jiffy lube is on my way home. Tell me, how do I let a man be a man without being labeled Ms. Independent? I really want to know???

You see, I bring alot to the table, more sense than dollars which is how I survive in this Man's world. Don't be confused, I could for sure use another income around here, Ya girl is open and dates up and down the education/payscale range. I can work a dollar to death ;-)

CareyCarey...thank you, You get me. Really get me. How refreshing is that!

♥PrettyPacino♥ said...

There are so many cases of assumptions and generalizations among men and women, especially Black men and women. We see/hear/read about all these stereotypes regarding one another that I think we sometimes skip taking the time to experience getting to know those we seek relationships with. We'd rather put them into a box based on what we think we see...

Don't assume that the man who isn't Mr. GQ fresh off Harvard's campus is uneducated and broke. Or that he's lazy and is looking to reap the benefits of your hard work.

Don't assume that the woman who holds her own in so many aspects of her life is too self-sufficient to want and appreciate a man in her life.

Everyone's story is different, and should be treated as such. Many women are independent by circumstance and not by choice, but independence shouldn't be equated with bitchiness. That isn't fair at all...It's pretty confusing, as a woman, to hear some men say they're looking for an independent woman then to hear others give this independence such a negative connotation... I just hope that one day Black men and women will attempt to understand one another and connect again, because the Black family dynamic is crumbling.

With that said, I enjoyed the post and the subsequent comments.

DJ Black Adam said...

Well stated Red, I may not have said it as raw and real, but your point is very valid.

Big Man said...

It is a common complaint that most women can give you chapter and verse about what a man should do, but can't open their mouths when it's time to discuss a women's responsibilities. Personally, I don't have that problem with my wife, but I know a lot of cats with that issue, and I have seen quite a few girls with that attitude.

Anonymous said...

I think that is unimportant to say directly, shouldn't they come up wiv some new 'nicer' word?

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