Tuesday, March 30, 2010

It's all pink on the inside.....

I was lurking over at OHH HELL NAWL today (as I do every day) and there was an interesting post about Interracial dating. It seems JILL SCOTT wrote a little piece about how she felt about it and my fellow lurkers commented on it. In fact last time I checked there was 250 comments. That is why I am bringing my comment here.

I have written about interracial dating before and how I felt about it. But I guess it is still a sore topic among some of us, and I still have very set views about it.
Want to know what they are?
If not,then you need to go to the blog down the street, because I am going to tell you anyway.

I have explained here and on other blogs about how in my younger days I only dated Hispanic women. It was not because I just was not interested in Black women, it was because Black women were not interested in me. You see I had the distinction and blessing to be born with every trace of my African/Haitian heritage. I am dark, tall and muscler. I have the high cheek bones, the big nose and the big lips. My hair is not what Black People would consider "good". Before I joined the military, there was a hair style that we called "Ruff Neck". We never combed our hair. We only washed it and kept it moving. My hair was so nappy that it was dreading up on it's own. That is my grain of hair, "nappy". So as you can see from my description of myself, I was not considered "handsome" in the American sense back then. The sisters all wanted that Al B Sure, El Debarge looking ass nigga, and I was not him. All that has changed since the 80's, but that was the way it was then.

Anyways since I was constantly getting dissed by my own, I went across the street to where I was looked at as Andy instead of "Black-ass Andy."

I was accepted for who I was instead of being looked down on because my great great grandmother was not raped by Massa Bill.

But even though I have a very good reason to be bitter towards Black Women, I am not, because all that happened damn near 20 years ago and it is ancient history to me. My wife is Black,which surprised my whole family by the way. Black women are gorgeous to me and they always have been.

Getting back to the subject of this post......

I could care less who a person finds love with. It does not bother me at all to see a Black woman with anybody other than a Black man or vice versa. In fact I think that we should all mix it up, so that maybe this whole fixation with color would become null and void.

It pisses me off to hear anybody Black (man or woman) talk shit about an interracial couple. You don't know the circumstances on why they chose who they chose. And the saying that he is only with her because she's white is getting tired to me. In some cases this may be true, but has anyone ever thought that they could actually be in love? With each other? I am so sick of hearing about how White women used to be off limits to the big Black Buck and this is our way of getting back at the "man." I am going to slap the next person that throws up the bullshit line about successful Black men turn their backs on the sisters to get down with a Becky. If there was more successful sisters around the successful Black men then that would not be the case, now would it?

If all I saw all day were mermaids, then common sense would tell me that I would end up having some mer-kids.

Another thing I am getting tired of is whenever the topic of interracial dating comes up it is always the man who is in the wrong. Nobody ever mentions the woman who chooses to exercise her many other options in life.

In my opinion whoever has a problem with interracial dating got a problem with themselves. It is more about being insecure with who you are than who you happen to see Jamal or Lakeshia with. If you are happy and secure with who you are and your status in life, then who I'm fucking would not concern you in the least.

The next time you get upset with seeing the man/woman who you covet with a Maria, Becky or Ming Lee, take a look at yourself. Ask yourself why this bothers you. And if you are grown enough to answer yourself honestly, then ask yourself what you need to do to be happy with what you are doing in your life. And then make a resolution to to do what it is that would make you happy.

I am happy with mine, so if my fellow brother/sister choose to go pale,yellow or brown on me, then hey, I am happy that they found love the same way I did.


Moi said...

Yeah...I concur...ish. I think people aren't reading Scott properly.

Folk said...

Preach Red.

As you may have read over at OHN, I'm in an interracial relationship that I didn't look for. Life brought it to my door. However, I'm constantly surprised by the working class who have fvcked up things to say about interracial relationships, including mine.

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

Well Red, here we go again... lol. This is your cyberboo so don't hate.

Before I get started, you hear Field Mob sing The Blacker The Berry ? Great song that addresses the old days when black wasn't cool.

You know how you described how you were often treated growing up? Yeah, and being close to your generation, I know it wasn't just by the sistas either, that referred you to black azz Andy. Heck, my paternal grandmother was abandoned as a child because when her mom needed to remarry so she and her three kids wouldn't starve to death, her fiance said she couldn't bring "the dark one" along.

I know what you said about if only mermaids were around, you'd end up with mer-kids. That was funny, and precise.

I think you made a good argument except in letting ALL or MOST brothas off the hook. I have personally known quite a few black men who deliberately rejected black woman as dating partners, even in my own family.

Personally, I don't care either who people date and marry. As you put it so well, mixing it up could speed up racial harmony, which to a large degree happened in Brazil.

But, I do understand how human beings fight over diminishing resources. In the black community, these are black men, because so many of them aren't dateable for reasons like they're locked up, strung out, gay, or have other baggage.

I think that if and when the day comes that white men aggressively pursue dating black women (so far it's not much comparatively speaking), the sistas won't have that knee-jerk reaction Jill Scott described, of feeling damn, one less brotha for us.

I dunno, maybe the situation would have to be reversed for you to understand.

Marianne said...

I've only been involved with one Black man, but I spent a lot of time on IR forums (not anymore though). I think the Black men who choose to date out because some beef they have with Black women are not that hard to spot. Sooner or later, they will say something to reveal that. I've read posters on those forums that obviously had a revenge thing going on. Either because they had been rejected by Black women, either because they had a problem with Black women who dated White men (I remember a couple of guys who were OBSESSED with that topic!), either because they wanted to get back at White men (those were usually the guys who flipped if they heard a White woman still included White men in her dating options, which is my case)... all kinds of people. But I would say that most of them were (or seemed to be) equal opportunity daters, the ones who had a declared problem with Black women were a minority. Same went for the White women there, they had different reasons for dating out, and they were not all about love and expanding horizons, some were definitely resentful of White men. When I didn't want to join the White man bashing (small-dick-bad-in-bed etc etc), I got a lot of flack and stopped posting there.
I think a chip on someone's shoulder becomes obvious soon enough. If their partner ignores that, it means that they get a kick out of hearing the "other" being put down, or they feel like they are safer in that relationship. As if a Black man who prefers White women couldn't cheat on me with another White woman - since we're so scarce in the Western hemisphere and all, LOL!
Despite my bad break-up with that man, I have to say that I never once heard him say anything bad about Black women, he adored the women in his family, and he never displayed race-related admiration for White women.
On a different note, I think exposure has a lot to do with it, like you said. Before I moved to Vancouver, I was sure I wasn't attracted to Asian men. But here there is a huge Asian community (largest minority), and I find myself eyeing cute Asian guys all the time.

♥PrettyPacino♥ said...

Great post... I've blogged on interracial dating, and have had plenty of discussions on it here at my university. There's always those who think the way you mentioned (the whole "forbidden fruit" theory, for example) and I, too, think it's fcuking ridiculous. Who CARES?!
I'm of the mentality that if neither of these people are feeding, clothing, or housing me...what they're doing really isn't my business anyway! Love isn't some concept designated only to those who share backgrounds. If anything, mixtures of cultures is exactly what this racist ass world needs! We're entirely too consumed with these color lines, and it's 2010. When is it gonna go away? Are my children and their grandchildren gonna have to deal with this BS too??

saint james said...

"Andy versus Black Ass Andy". You know that is right. Some us us still use black as an epithet. Shameful. I ahve always been partial to darker or brownskinned women. I have been approached by white women before, flkirted with by them, etc. They don't know that I don't even like white meat on my chicken. I am not racist. I certainly do have a strong preference for black. All of my father's women after my mother (with whom he had serious , long term relationships (marriages) were white women. He has an issue if you ask me about it. People should love whom they love. Crossing racial lines or color lines for fetishistic purposes or based on some wound or false perception is truly and tragically sad.

Don said...

Yep. Pretty much sums it up for myself as well. I have never thought twice after seeing or hearing about a certain brother or sista who dated/married outside of their own race. It just wasn't something that affected me in any kind of way, so I hardly understood why so many others took offense.

Love is blind, yet not many accept this well known fact.

玉苓 said...

I do like ur article~!!!..................................................

Ms. Camile said...

I agree with you for the most part. Love is love. My dad has enterend his 3rd marriage and she's a white woman who I actually like and love. But as far as there needing to be more successful Black women around...uh I really think you need to re-think that. Many of the women (black or otherwise)who marry successful Black men, are not at the same status...Who knows why some of them do not chose mates that look like them but I'm pretty sure it isn't because they could not find a successful Black woman. I was with you..until you said that. But great post nonetheless!


Dirty Red said...

I think she was saying it pretty plain. I don't see how anyone can read it wrong.

I agree with you man. Do you. I know good and damn well if I was not married I would be with a Senorita. But It all worked out for me.

You always manage to say what I don't. That's why I love you ma.

Thank's for the comment Boo. I am glad that you ain't putting us all in the same bucket with you ex asshole. We ain't all bad ma.

You are so right Boo.
This is the only country I know of that is so color struck.

Yep. I could care less where another person finds love. It is that they found it that should be considered good.

Mrs. Camille,
Thanks for the comment Boo.
I did not mean that there were no successful sisters in that arena. I meant that 9 times out of ten, these dudes are not around these successful sisters. Whenever a person gets a little status they do not hang in the same circles any more. They go where their money takes them. And most of the time the money goes right back to the people that gave it to them in the first place, the white man and his associates that signs the checks. It is what it is.

Reggie said...

I've never had an interracial relationship, but I don't hate on those that choose to go that route.

My brother has been married to a Caucasian woman and next year my sister will be marrying a Caucasian man. Race wasn't something that was discussed in my home in great detail when I was growing up; both my parents went to Tuskegee and they went during the early 60s. I lived on military bases since my father was an Air Force officer. I can honestly say that I don't hate anyone and I try not to judge people. People are gonna love whomever they love and no one should dictate to anyone who they are supposed to love.

By the way, I'm one of those "Al B. Sure" looking negroes and the sistas didn't always have a whole lotta love for me either.

dawnfx said...

Some good points

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