Friday, September 10, 2010

No Homo Fella's, No Homo

While I was in PA a couple of weeks ago, a buddy and I decided to go to Scranton one night after classes to see what was popping there.

We went to an Italian restaurant before we went out to the clubs around downtown, just because you can't go to Scranton and not go to an Italian restaurant. Anyways, the food was outstanding and afterward we hit the streets to see what we could see.

My partner is an ese (Mexican guy for all you politically correct Queens English speakers) from LA. This is one cool dude. He will go up to anybody and start a conversation about anything. Oh and speaking of Mexicans,this is totally off the subject; but I have to say this and if it is wrong for me to even notice this....Oh well sue me.....
I did not see one Hispanic dude doing construction the whole time I was up there. The only people up on roofs and putting up drywall (that I noticed anyway) were White Folks and Black folks. I have not seen that shit in years. I guess I have been down here in Tejas to damn long....

Like I said my homie will go up to anybody and just start talking. We noticed a dude that appeared to be about our age walking towards us with two chicks. So my man stops them and tells them that we are visiting Scranton and we wanted to know where the haps was.

Well after we stopped them we noticed that the dude was obviously Gay. And after about 20 seconds of conversation we found out that the two chicks were strippers. Well we talked to them for a minute or two and got directions to a couple of clubs in the area and  we got free passes to the club were the two chicks "danced" at.

Well since neither me or my man really dig shake joints, we told them we would pass on the passes. The girls looked kinda of disappointed with this, but it is what it is. The Gay guy told us about an after party after the shake joint closes and he told us he would call us when they were on their way there. At first my man and I looked kinda crazy at the dude because we knew this guy liked the opposite of what we liked and we were kinda skeptical about going to an after party were he was going. We did not want to be the main course of the night, you feel me? But I guess he could read our minds because he told us that there was going to be a lot of hot chicks there and he would not invite us to a place where he thought we would feel uncomfortable.

We agreed, my man gave the dude his cell and we parted ways.
We went to a hip-hop spot that was much to young for us (I swear we could have had kids up in there)and watched the kiddies get low. We stayed for about an hour and decided to call it a night.
We are getting old and can't do the shit we used to do.

On our way back to Tobyhanna we get a call from the "dude".
He asked us if we were still going out and we told him we had decided to take it on in for the night.
He sounded disappointed;he told us that most of the shakers from the club were going to be there and that the two he was with earlier had told them all about the two "fine" Army dudes from out of town.

It sounded tempting for about 10 seconds; until a vision of our families popped in our minds.
We told the "dude" we appreciate the invite, but we were taking it on in.

Well in case you are wondering what the hell all of this is about......
The point of this little narrative is this.....

A Gay dude is worth his weight in gold to a single straight man. I mean think about it for a minute.....
Gay dudes always hang with FINE ass FINE Eva Mendez looking single ladies.
Most of the ladies are either looking for Mr Right or Mr. Right Now. Either way, for a single straight man, it is like a being a kid in a candy store.
And your Gay friend always tells his girlfriends about his "fine" straight friend, which is an automatic in; because if a straight dude is friends with a Gay dude; to a female he is in tune with his "sensitive" side which is definitely a plus on any day that ends with "day". And if a Gay dude says you are "fine," then to a woman you are the equivalent of Denzel, Brad Pitt and Idris Elba all rolled up into one package. Which is another plus on any day that ends in "day".

So in my humble opinion every straight guy needs a Gay friend.
Unless of course your friend is one of those bitch-ass down low motherfuckers. If you are hanging with one of those bastards,and know damn well what he is, then you my friend are suspect too.


Reggie said...

Reading this I'm reminded that I haven't been to a stripclub in years. I don't know why I stopped going....I just did. I used to love going because I can't think of anything I'd rather do than watch a nice set of ( @ )( @ ) bounce around. Truth be told, I love to watch those things bounce around as much as a fat kid loves cake.

I don't know brother, you just might be right. Gay dudes do tend to know a whole lotta fine women. Of course the only down side to hanging out with gay dudes is the fact that they're gay dudes. One minutes you're drinking with them and laughing and the next thing you know they're laughing and they put their hand on your knee. Sure you push their hand away and wag your finger in their face and say "hey hey buddy, straight no homo". But they don't care, they're just sitting there grinning thinking about your peen. I had a good friend, a dude named Ralph who I used to work with. He was light in the loafers, but he was mad cool. He knew all the women too; but at that time I wasn't trying to hook up with anyone. Ralph looked like Prince, maybe a little too much like Prince. Anyway he pulled that shit on me one night and when I reiterated to that brother (because he already knew I had a pregnant wife at home) where my heart was.......he took offense. Dude stopped talking to me then.

I guess I shouldn't have called him a sugarfoot huh?!? Of course, I haven't always been quite as polished as I am now.

Black Man said...

Man this brings back memories from back in the day when I was "in-between wives". There was this one particular strip club that I'll always have fond memories of. It was a sad day when that place closed and became a daycare center of all things.

I'm married with kids now so I don't have the money, desire or energy to go to those places anymore. As fate would have it, now I live in Tampa where there's a strip club on damn near every corner. Life just isn't fair.

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